I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
