I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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