Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
