i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
