Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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