i just wanna soil my oats bro
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
