I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
