Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
