The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
