fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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