I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
