My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
