My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
