I seem to have left my pride at pride
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
