hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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