So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
