She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
