Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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