hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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