he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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