He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
