I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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