I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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