I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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