I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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