The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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