my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dicks are not precious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
