needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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