John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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