Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
