She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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