the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
