My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
