i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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