After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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