I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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