porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
