I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
