The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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