my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
