guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
