im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
