i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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