I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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