I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
third nipple confirmed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
