Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
