While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
