What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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