a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
