We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
